


You're Staring while I'm Blinking, Just don't Tell me what You See

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Crying, Dean Crying During Sex, Depressed Dean, Drunk Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Touch-Starved Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13569147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AU where Sam dies destroying Asmodeus, Dean can't handle it, and Cas is left to pick up the pieces.Inspired by 'You don't Know what it's Like', by Katelyn Tarver





	You're Staring while I'm Blinking, Just don't Tell me what You See

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is more depressing then my first story, and definitely more mature, you have been warned!
> 
> This story was inspired by 'You Don't Know What it's Like', by Katelyn Tarver, and uses a few direct quotes including the title. The song basically describes Dean.

Dean sat shaking on the floor, back pressed against the cold tile on the bathroom wall, and drink in hand.

He had tried.

He had been trying for years.

Hell he’d tried so damn hard that he had forgotten to protect his own brother.

So they had killed Asmodeus. So what? Sam had died, and with him, the only part of Dean that still had hope. A broken sob ripped its way out of the hunters throat as he thought about Sam, dying to make sure that Asmodeus was gone for good.

What difference did it make? Dean thought bitterly, taking a swig if whisky. It doesn’t make any difference. Evil Michael would find a way through the portal, that thing from the Bad Place would be out to destroy the planet too, and he still didn’t know where Jack and Mary were.

Probably dead, his mind supplied as he took another gulp of whisky, enjoying how it burned is throat, already raw from screaming, on the way down.

“Sammy,” he whimpered as he swallowed yet another mouthful of the bitter alcohol.

When he heard the flutter of wings beside him, he thought he was imagining it. It was not until he felt a hand on his shoulder and found himself looking into the worried blue eyes of Castiel did he except the angel’s precense.

“Dean, I implore you to put down the bottle,” Cas said, his worry growing as he noticed the empty beer bottles as well. Dean laughed bitterly at the request and instead took another swig, tears pouring down his face.

“No Cas, I don’ think I w’ll. I thnk I’m gonna drink mysel ta hell,” he growled, the whisky making his speech slurred and indecisive. He raised the whisky bottle in a mock toast before putting it back to his lips. He was about to take a sip when it suddenly vanished from his hand.

“I said, put the bottle down Dean,” Cas said, moving closer to the broken hunter. Dean let out another heart wrenching sob and let himself be pulled over to the angel’s side and lifted up against his chest as he was walked back to his bed.

“Whatcha do wth m’ whisy?” Dean slurred, trying to find the missing bottle.

“I have disposed of it properly,” Cas replied, depositing Dean into his bed.

“I can’t do ‘t anymore Cas,” Dean mumbled. “I can’t do ‘t withou ‘ammy,” he elaborated, the slur forcing Cas to pause and work through what was being said.

“I know Dean, Cas replied gently, "I’m here to help you. Whatever you need,” he promised dutifully.

“What ‘er I need,” Dean mused. He swayed slightly for a second before grabbing the lapels of Cas’s trench coat and smashing their lips together in a rough kiss, pushing their bodies together in a desperate need to create friction.

Cas froze as the hunters attacked his mouth, only snapping into action once the hunter had removed his tie.

“Dean-“

“Please Cas,” dean whispered hoarsely, looking up at the angel with bloodshot eyes. “Let me have this, if this isn't good for me, I don't wanna know. I need this Cas, please,” Dean begged.

Cas tilted his head to the side, a million thoughts racing through his head. He couldn’t deny that he wanted Dean. He had wanted the hunter since the beginning, wanted to kiss him and touch him, and fix every crack in his beautiful soul.

That being said, he didn’t want to take advantage of him either. He knew the kind of alcohol influenced, depression based headspace Dean was in, and he would never forgive himself if he made it worse.

Cas couldn’t lose the image of Dean looking up at him so desperately though, as if Cas was the cure to all his problems, as if he could fix it all. The angel understood the concept of a one night stand, and understood that any act made by Dean would not be made out of pure love, but pain and a need for escape.

Cas knew many things, but above all he knew what he had promised Dean. Anything he needed. Anything at all. So that was why when Dean crushed there lips together once more, Cas did not stop him.

He did slow him down though, he wrapped his arms around the trembling hunter and made it a bit gentler than Dean’s desperate frenzy.

Cas was surprised by how easily Dean gave up his control. The second Cas made an attempt to take over, Dean let him. Then again, Cas mused, control was probably the last thing Dean wanted.

The angel gently kissed Dean once more before trailing his lips down to his collarbone and leaving another feather light kiss there, earning a gasp from the hunter who was unused to such tenderness.

Cas stroked a gentle hand down the other man’s cheek and watched the resulting shivers that traveled in a wave down Dean’s spine. He brought their lips back together and removed the hunter’s jacket along with his own trench coat. He kissed down his neck and licked at the tears that still stained his face. He touched him gently, caringly, and new tears began to flow.

“Cas,” Dean choked out, unable to express what he needed. At this point even Dean wasn’t sure, just that he needed it bad.

“Shhh,” he whispered, running his fingers through the hunters short hair. “It’s alright, you’re gonna be okay,” he crooned as he continued to trace patterns down Dean’s body, drawing out whimpers of need from the hunter, a need that said hunter hadn’t even realized was there until Cas had begun touching him. Now it was all he could think about. The need for a gentle touch, to not have to think and just feel, just melt into Cas’s body and do whatever the angel wanted him to,so long as he didn’t stop touching Dean.

The longer Cas drew out his ministrations, the more lost Dean became in the pure feeling of those feather light fingers as they danced over his flesh.

By the time Cas finally reached down to where Dean needed his hand the most,the hunter only lasted a few minutes.

Dean came with Cas’s name on his lips and collapsed on the mattress, finally letting exhaustion take over.

Cas quickly finished himself, lay down beside Dean, and drew him close, tightening his grip when he felt Dean turn and push his face into the angel’s shoulder.

“You will never give up,” he whispered as he stroked his hunters hair. “And you see your brother in Heaven.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: LegacyofLight.tumblr.com


End file.
